rant

[jeslowe115]

I'm so pissy right now it isn't funny. I spent all that time monday and tuesday trying to get the apartment looking a little better and by 9pm last night, you wouldn't be able to tell that I had anything done.

I will admit, it wasn't 100% (more like 75%) I figured that it would take no more than 2-3 hours (not counting laundry and any dishes that I would dirty this weekend) to finish cleaning. Well, now it's going to be 5-6 (hopefully).

I am so pissed that it seems like I did all the work and Aaron had no respect for it. I understand that taking care of Kaleb while I am work isn't the easiest thing in the world, but both nights when I got home from work, he was on the computer playing poker. I can't complain about him being on the internet, but I try to limit my time on the net to when I have everything done (or at least what I would like to get done at the time) and when Kaleb is sleeping.

Yes, he did make dinner while I was at work, but he left dirty dishes all over the kitchen and the counters and stove top needs to be cleaned. I wouldn't have minded the dirty dishes that much if they would have been in neat piles and the counters clean.

Plus anything that he had out in the living room, was left where he had it (playstation, magazines and dvds). I keep trying to tell him that he needs to pick up after himself because sooner than later kaleb is going to be getting into everything and it will just be easier if he leaves the stuff out. I had the living room picked up (all I needed to do was vacuum). Now I have to pick up before I can even think about that.

And I'm fixing to start throwing his clothes away if I have to pick them up out of the floor anymore. I set the laundry sorter up in the hall after rearranging the bedroom and I keep a basket in the bedroom too, but yet his laundry can't find at least 1 of the 2 things.

Then, last weekend, he told me that he would help me work on the nursery. Well, that was like pulling teeth. I would tell him that I am going in there. I would start and wait to see if he would come and help (Kaleb was sleeping in our room so that wasn't a reason why he wasn't helping). I finally gave up on his help and just started working on it myself. I have made it pretty far. I have 2 boxes that need to go to other rooms (which I plan on taking care of this weekend). Then there are 3 more boxes that need to be gone through and there are 2 piles of things that need to go to storage (which Aaron said that he was going to take 1 of them Wednesday, but that never happened). Once I get the stuff down to storage, it should be a lot better.

We took the bassinet down Wednesday night and I got it ready to go to mini storage. It felt odd taking it down, but I knew that it was time to do that as we don't use it (Kaleb's too big for it) and it was just taking up space. Now if I can just get Aaron to take that stuff to mini storage, it will make the nursery that much closer to being done.

I'm just sick of feeling like I bust my ass to get things looking respectable and he doesn't lift a finger to help. I don't know what to do to get him to change either. I've tried asking, complaing, not saying anything, not doing anytying and it just doesn't do anything. I'm getting to the point where I can't take much more of it and I don't have the time to do it myself all the time. I feel like a fucking servant, not a loving wife anymore.

Well, I am done ranting for the time being. I'm sure that some of this is also due to the fact that I am PMSing (or at least I think I am- the shot has really messed up my cycle).

Comments

[kristinb3.livejournal.com]

You just spent the entire post describing my husband. It's extremely rare that I leave Dillan with him but when I have the house has been destroyed when I get home. Due to the fact that I stay home I don't mind doing the housework because I feel like that's my job but it's not my job to pick up everything he touches when he's here. I have given up trying to clean on the weekends when he's here. I just wait 'til he leaves and then do it all because it's impossible when he's here. When I have one room finished 3 more are torn apart.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

I know. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work outside the home. But it's like I work 8 hours (9 if you add in the hour lunch) most days, I don't want to spend another 4 trying to clean up what probably wouldn't take more than 30 minutes if he just kept up with it.

If I stayed at home all the time, I would just do it all, no questions asked.

[jazzypanda.livejournal.com]

You feel like a servant now, imagine if you were a SAHM.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I've tried pretty much everything short of kicking him out. Most of the time, if it works, it only lasts 2-3 days, then he goes to work and when he gets home we are back to sqaure one.

I though that with the case he worked a couple months ago (they had a baby die due to choking....the babysitter didn't tell them that the baby still had the object blocking the airway), I would have thought that he would be like super careful when it came to picking stuff up because he wouldn't want the same to happen to kaleb.

Hopefully I won't have to find out.

[sherryholt.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

The majority of men just really suck at being helpful. True story.

My sister's husband is exactly the same way! She never yells at him about it (strangely enough, I do) and she ends up blowing up at the end. Its good that you vent.

[susiev.livejournal.com]

Um, don't paint all men with the same brush! Helping out is not something you're born with- you learn to do it.

There are plenty of men out there who love to cook and clean and help around the house. There are even more men who do it when asked.

[susiev.livejournal.com]

Sorry, but comments like that really, really piss me off.

I mean, if you take the time to sit down and explain to your husband that you really need help with X, Y, and Z, any man worth his salt will help because he loves you!

Only an asshat not worth marrying won't help when approached like that.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess Aaron falls into the latter category. I have been polite, I've told him how I feel, I've put it in writing, I've asked, I've been bribed and begged when the earlier attempts were not working.

I don't know what do anymore. It seems like I can get him to start to help for 1-3 days, but then he goes to work and when he comes home, it's back to square one.

And the stranger thing of it all, is at work they are responsible for keeping the base clean. He is always complaining about how one of his coworkers doesn't pull their weight when it comes to cleaning. I tell him that is how I feel at home, but it doesn't ever sink into his head.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

Thanks. We use to fight all the time about it and I just got sick of it.

I'm sure that if I didn't have an outlet like this, we would still be fighting all the time.

[susiev.livejournal.com]

Don't forget to communicate... not yelling, just telling him how you feel.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

I know. I try, but it seems like more often than not, it's going in one side and out the other.

[susiev.livejournal.com]

Then really sit him down and tell him how important it is for him to listen.

If he really loves you, he'll listen.

[d0se.livejournal.com]

you need to sit the guy down and lay down the law.

threaten to leave him even.


hell, i'd even come over to help you if i had the means of doing so. i am incredibly pissed with Aaron now too.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that. It doesn't work with him. The only thing I haven't done is actually leave. I've wanted to, and been close, but never have.

[d0se.livejournal.com]

MUSTER UP THE COURAGE AND LEAVE!!!!
HE'LL FUCKING LEARN.

[perpetualwantng.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry hun. :o( it's incredibly hard to have to do everything by yourself. i wish i knew what to suggest that might work. i'm all for throwing his clothes away though. LOL. i mean jesus...why is it your job to pick up after a grown man? it's just not fair for you to have to do every damn thing! i'm sure aaron's a great guy and i'm not trying to be mean or rude about him or anything, but i totally agree that you shouldn't have to be responsible for everything. maybe poke around the internet to see if there are any books or anything on the subject? how to get your husband to do what you ask before you have to kill him sort of thing? lol

i hope he steps up and starts helping out more soon sweetie. i don't think it's because you're PMSing...i think it's because half of your team seems to be asleep at the wheel here. :o( *hugs*

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

I know. The laundry just irrates me to no end. I don't ask that he seperate it into the sorter (although it would be nice), just put it in the basket, which most of the time is no more than 2-3 feet from where it lands in the floor.

I wish I could figure out what to do, but it seems like I have tried everything that I can think of.

[hellokimberly.livejournal.com]

Well when Kaleb does break Aaron's stuff, he'll only have himself to blame.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

I know, but I am afraid that Kaleb is going to hurt himself on something aaron leaves out.

[janke.livejournal.com]

I'll kick him for you. I don't think men get it sometimes. You have to like grab them by the ear and pull them into the room for them to get it sometimes.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I've tried that, and most of the time he will find something else to preoccupy (like a magazine laying around) and still not do what I've asked him to.

[janke.livejournal.com]

My best friend is lucky. Because if she tells her boyfriend to do something and he doesn't do it right away she just gives the evil eye, and he jumps up and does it. It's quite funny actually. LMAO! She just has to stop what she is doing and stare him down. And he's like FINE! JEEZ! LOL!

[4kudzu.livejournal.com]

I'm not trying to say 'nananana' but under this regard - I'm so glad I don't live with Adrian anymore. He knows it and I've told him too, numerous times, that he is a slob. :(

You need to tell him straight when you want him to help or let him know in advance, plan for it, make plans with him to clean. Or when it comes due and he's not there, just tell him to get off his butt and give you a hand like he said he would. You need to be more direct when you need him and don't allow him any reason of why he shouldn't help. Period. "Now, my dear, it's time to clean." Yup.

[jwood614.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to live with him, things would be so much easier.

I wish it worked that easily around here. I've tried all of that at some point or another and it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere fast.